Latest Jokes & Humour
All the passengers are seated on a plane out on the tarmac and the stewardess announces “we’re just waiting for the pilots.”
The passengers look out the window and see two men, dressed as pilots walking towards the plane.
Both men are using guide dogs and appear to be blind.
There are murmurs among the passengers, and some believe it is a joke.
The men board the plane and go into the cockpit.
More concerned murmurs and uneasy chuckles from the passengers.
The plane taxis normally to the runway and begins it’s takeoff.
As passengers look out the window they realize they are nearing the end of the runway.
The entire passenger cabin begins screaming but the plane lifts off just before the end of the runway.
The passengers calm down and chuckle to themselves.
In the cockpit, the pilot turns to his copilot and says “you know, one day those people are gonna scream too late and we’re all gonna die!”
Christ and the Aliens
He’s got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What’s in the bags?"
"Sand," answered the youngster.
The guard says, "We’ll just see about that – get off the bike!" The guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains the youngster overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags.
The guard releases the yo, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the younster's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
The next day, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?" "Sand," says the youngster.
The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand.
He gives the sand back to the youngster and he crosses the border on his bicycle. This sequence of events is repeated every day for a year. .
Finally, the youngster doesn’t show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico. "Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about… I can’t sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"
The youngster answers, "Bicycles."
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
I’m excited to see you too!
Isabelle working, or should I keep knocking?
Dozen anyone want to let me in?
Boo hoo who?
Aww, don’t cry—it’s just a joke.
Problems with Japanese Banking Sector
Recent concerns indicate the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of improving.
Following last month's news that Origami Bank had folded, it was today learned that Sumo Bank has gone belly up.
Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches.
Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived and 500 jobs at Karate Bank will be chopped.
There are reports that's there something fishy going on at the Sushi Bank and staff there fear they may get a raw deal.
Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
A: It's okay. He woke up.
A piece of black Tarmac walks into the pub acting all hard and swearing.
In walks a piece of green Tarmac and the black Tarmac runs out.
The same thing happens the next day and the next. Finally the landlord say to the black Tarmac:
"Why are you so scared of the green Tarmac?"
Black Tarmac responds "You don't understand - he's a cyclepath"
A man walks into a bar with a newt in his hands.
The bartender says “What an interesting pet, whats his name?”
"Tiny” the man replies.
"What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?”
"Because…He’s my newt.”
How to cope with traffic
Q. What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
A. One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
Q: What's the most beautiful thing in mathematics?
A: A cute angle
Q: What did the ocean say to the airplane?
A: Nothing, it just waved.
Q: Why did the young plane study so hard?
A: He really wanted a higher education!
Q: What do you call a flying policeman?
A: A helicopper!