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Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.
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If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
One day a woman walks onto a bus. The bus driver said "urgh, what an ugly child you have". The woman goes and sits next to another man and says "the bus driver just offended me". The man sitting next to her said "don't you worry, go on tell him off, i will hold your monkey for you"
What do sheep do on a sunny day. Have a barbecue.
knock knock who's there i love doctor i love doctor who
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A blonde walks into a library and says, "Can I have a burger and fries?". The librarian says, "I'm sorry, this is a library." ... So the blonde whispers, "Can I have a burger and fries?"
Did you hear about the guy who lost his left leg and arm in a car crash? He's all right now.
Why did the little boy fall off his bicycle? Because somebody threw a fridge at him..
A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?". "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." "That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?'...."Twenty-six," he said.
3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. Sidles up to the bar and says: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh. Killing any?" She asked. "Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?" He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: 'A beer please, and one for the road.'
A sheriff walks into a saloon, and shouts for everyone's attention. "Has anyone seen Brown paper Jake?", he asks. "What's he look like?", asks one shoddy looking cowboy. "Well", replies the Sheriff. "He wears a brown paper hat, a brown paper waistcoat, a brown paper shirt, brown paper boots, brown paper pants, and a brown paper jacket." "So what's he wanted for?", asks the same cowboy.... "Rustlin'...", replies the Sheriff.
Why is 6 afraid of 7 ?
Because 7 8 9
There's a blonde, a brunette and a ginger and a magic mirror floats into the room and says if you tell a lie you go "puff" into space, the ginger steps up and says the brunette's hair is green "puff" she's gone the brunette says I think blondes are smart "puff" she's gone and then the blonde says i think... "puff"
So a neutron walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer, please." And the bartender gives him one and the neutron says, "thanks, how much?" and the bartender says, "For you? No charge."
So a blonde calls her boyfriend and tells him she bought a difficult puzzle with many pieces. "What's it supposed to look like?" he asked. "A rooster," she replied. When he gets home he rolls his eyes and says," I think you should just sit down while I clean up the cornflakes."
Q: What’s the best way to see flying saucers? ... A: Pinch the waitress (or waiter?)
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The barman says "Is this some kind of joke?"
Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the pub? .... Because she thought the drinks where on the house
'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.' 'That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.' 'Is it common ?' 'Well, It's Not Unusual.'
Did you hear about the man in Paris who almost got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre?.... After planning the crime, getting in and out through all the security at the Louvre, he was caught only a mile away when his van ran out of petrol.... When asked how he could mastermind such a spectacular crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied: “Monsieur, I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.”
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did..
What goes peck - peck - peck - boom? ..... A Chicken in a mine field
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was brilliant.
Heaven is where the police are British, the chefs Italian, the mechanics German, the lovers French, and it's all organized by the Swiss. Hell is where the police are German, the chefs are British, the mechanics French, the lovers Swiss, and it's all organized by the Italians.
A set of jump leads walk into a bar....The bartender says, 'I'll serve you, but don't start anything.'
Men are like carpet tiles if you lay them right you can walk over them for the next 30 years
A teacher is talking to a student. Teacher: Did you father help you with your homework? Student: No, he did it all by himself.
This guy goes to see his Doctor. “Doc,” he says, “I keep having these recurring dreams. First I’m a tepee, then I’m a wigwam, then I’m a tepee, then I’m a wigwam. It’s just driving me crazy! What’s wrong with me?” “It’s very simple,” the doctor replies. “You’re two tents.
Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town? ..... Because they have no body to go out with...
A farmer in Devon was milking his cow one day. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder.
A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the Bar tender here?"
The past, the present and the future walk into a bar, it was tense !
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... NO COMMENT
Why do cats chase dogs because dogs chase cats
you've got it all wrong. Some aren't jokes - they're just sentences!
They are all so rubbish that they make me laugh :-)
damn ..they are good !
Some r bad, others r worse!
worst jokes ever (and there like 20 years old)
i like the bike one
keep em coming ahhhh !
should b called the worst jokes in the world
some great awful jokes there
some of these jokes r good and some r rubbish.
Jokes aren't good
Get good jokes
some of them are really cute...some are bad...but over all, pretty cool
they all suck tbh. the gorilla one was so ridiculously bad i face-palmed...
i like the scarecrow one coz i think its the only gd one.:0
some of the jokes are great but u really need to get a life
the gorilla one is terrible...not the worst but deffo terrible
these jokes are the best
oh my gosh. that was awful
these jokes r OK, nt gr*
brappp braapp sik jokes
THE JOKES ARE RUBBISH WERE DO YOU GET THEM THEY ARE ALL DOWNRIGHT AWFUL
ummm the gorllia one is good the rest NOT !!!!
I think they are OK especially the ones about the Blonde's
how about no