Make the world laugh

Your Jokes

Cleaning up

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Light Bulb

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Elephant

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Older people driving

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Priest playing golf

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Think of a number

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Collie Dog

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Dear Deer

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Mathematical Constant

 

Got a good clean Joke? - Send it in here

Laugh your socks off or just groan at the jokes ?

 

Maybe this works maybe it doesn't, hopefully it does

Great Collection of Clean Jokes

Jokes 1 - Jokes 2 - Jokes 3 - Jokes 4 - Jokes 5

Greatest Joke in the World

Dog & Jokes & Pics & Amazing facts

The Violin and the Dog

Little Johnny was practicing the violin in the living room while his father was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Johnny's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly. The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. 

Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise, "For Pete's sake, can't you play something the dog doesn't know?!" 

Some Interesting Dog Adverts

Two female Boston terrier puppies, seven wks. old, perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess.

FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.

Free Yorkshire terrier. Eight years old. Hateful little dog.

Dog for sale—eats anything and is fond of children.

 

The Dastardly Book for Dogs

The Dastardly Book for Dogs from Amazon.co.uk

"'This goofy, gleeful guide to the dog life will tickle anyone with a soft spot for canines.' Publishers Weekly

 

Does Your Dog Own You?

  • You believe every dog is a lap dog.

  • If you are cold, you put a sweater on your dog.

  • You have a picture of your dog in your wallet, but not one of your kids.

  • You often claim that it was love at first sight with you and your dog.

  • You have your dog talk to your friends on the phone.

  • You can't fully enjoy yourself without your dog.

  • No matter how large your bed is, it is not large enough for you and your dog's.

  • You spend more on clothes and food for your dog than you do for yourself.

  • You have no reservations about kissing your dog on the lips, even when you know where his lips have been.

  • You believe it is your duty to talk to, pat, and even feed every dog in the neighbourhood. You know their names.

  • You let the neighbour's dog sleep over.

  • You believe there is no such thing as a naughty dog.

  • Your vet and grooming bills exceed your rent.

  • When you need someone to talk to, your dog is your first choice.

  • You sit on the floor if the dog got in the chair first.

  • You talk to your dog when you are driving. He answers.

  • Your dog taught you to fetch and roll over.

 

"Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about little puppies." -- Gene Hill

 

The salesman and the talking dog

A salesman dropped in to see a business customer. Not a soul was in the office except a dog emptying wastebaskets.

The salesman stared at the animal, wondering if his imagination could be playing tricks on him.

The dog looked up and said, "Don't be surprised. This is just part of my job."

 "Incredible!" exclaimed the man. "I can't believe it!  Does your boss know what a prize he has in you?  An animal that can talk!"

"No, no," pleaded the dog. "Please don't tell him!  If that man finds out I can talk, he'll make me answer the phone as well!"

 

"Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.." -- Unknown

 

Amazing Dog Facts

  • There are 701 types of pure breed dogs.

  • Smartest dogs: 1) border collie; 2) poodle; 3) golden retriever

  • Dumbest dog: afghan

  • A dog's sense of smell is about 1000 times better than a human's

  • The Greyhound is the Fastest Dog on Earth and can run 45 miles per hour for short periods of time

  • Ancient Chinese royalty carried Pekingese dogs in the sleeves of their royal robes.

  • Dogs" hearing is very acute. They can register sounds of 35,000 vibrations a second (compared to our 20,000 and a cat's 25,000).

  • The oldest reliable age recorded for a dog is 29 years, 5 months for a Queensland "heeler" called Bluey in Victoria, Australia. The average dog lives to around 15 years of age.

  • Dogs have been man's pet for over 14,000 years

  • Two dogs survived the sinking of Titanic

  • Dogs are mentioned 14 times in the Bible

  • Dogs have twice as many muscles for moving their ears as people

  • The expression "three dog night" originated with the Eskimos and means a very cold night - so cold that you have to bed down with three dogs to keep warm

  • If two dogs are headed for a fight and they appear about evenly matched, the dog on his home turf will win easily

  • All dogs are direct descendants of wolves

 

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man." -- Mark Twain

 

 
"Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant." -- Unknown
 

Jesus

A thief walks into a house at night and shines his flashlight around. He immediately spots a stereo. As soon as he reaches it he hears a voice behind him say, "Jesus is watching you." He quickly shut his flashlight off thinking at first that someone had caught him, then after nothing happened, decided that he was hearing things and promised himself a vacation as soon as he made his next big robbery. He turned the flashlight back on and started to unhook the stereo.

He heard it again. It said, "Jesus is watching you." He turned around to see a parrot in a cage. "Did you say that?" he asked. "Yeah" the parrot replied. "I was just trying to warn you." "Shut up bird!" the thief told him. "My name is Moses. Not 'Bird'," said the parrot. "What kind of people would name a parrot 'Moses'?" the thief wanted to know. "The same kind of people that would name a Rotweiler 'Jesus'."

Are You as Good as Your Dog?

  • If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills

     

  • If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains.

     

  • If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles

     

  • If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it

     

  • If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time

     

  • If you can overlook when people take things out on you, when through no fault of your own, something goes wrong

     

  • If you can take criticism and blame without resentment

     

  • If you can face the world without lies and deceit

     

  • If you can conquer tension without medical help

     

  • If you can relax without liquor

     

  • If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

knock knock ?

who's there ?

doggy ?

doggy who ?

doggy coming to get you

Anon

Fetch

How to Stop Your Dog Pulling the Leash

If you can ...

  • start the day without caffeine,
     
  • be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
     
  • resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
     
  • eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
     
  • understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,
     
  • overlook when people take things out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
     
  • take criticism and blame without resentment,
     
  • face the world without lies and deceit,
     
  • conquer tension without medical help,
     
  • relax without drinking alcohol.
     
  • sleep without a tablet

Then >>>>

you are probably a dog.

 

 

Pictures of your dog wanted

Send a picture of your dog attached to this Email, tell us a little about him or her and we will show it here.

Comments

kewl. I likey tha video of the skateboarding dog.  Smarty!lol

mongrels are healthier than pedigree's, did you see the recent documentary? Boxers fitting, King Charles Spaniels who's skulls are too small for their brains etc etc, and these dogs still win shows and are used for breeding. Please consider a mongrel next time you choose a dog, and go to a rescue shelter, and save a life. Mongrels come in all shapes and sizes you are bound to find one you love.

you're page is so great! The pics are just cracking me up! hahahahah! here is a joke!

Why did the dog go under the tree?

Cause he didn't want to be a hot dog!


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