Golf Club

A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.

The barman refuses to serve him.

"Why not," asks the golf club.

"You'll be driving later," replies the bartender.

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Holy Golf !

Father O' Reilly was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he would be on the golf course. It was an obsession.

It was 4:00AM on Sunday morning and it looked like it would be a picture-perfect day for golf. The sun was rising, no clouds were in the sky, and the temperature was pleasant and rising.

The good Father couldn't resist. He called a Parish assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not say Mass, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where he felt no one would know him. He was first there and first out by himself, another good break.

Happily, he began to play the course. An angel up above was watching Father Reilly and was quite perturbed.

He went to God and said, "Have a look at Father Reilly . He should be punished for what he is doing."

God nodded in agreement.

After a double on the first hole, the good Father teed up on the second. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup 260 yards away. A picture-perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited.

The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, "I beg your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him."

God smiled. "I did. Think about it; who can he tell?"

Holy Trousers

Just in case they have a hole in one.

RIP

Four golfers who like to gamble wind up in the same foursome. The pot builds throughout the day until they reach the 18th green, where Harry has a chance to putt for dough. If he makes his 10-foot putt, he wins £250.

Harry lines up his putt, but just as he's about to take his stance, a funeral procession begins passing by on the road that runs alongside the 18th hole.

Harry steps away from his ball, sets down his putter, takes off his hat and places it over his heart, and waits for the funeral procession to completely pass. Once all the cars in the funeral procession have passed, Harry picks up his putter and begins lining up the putt again.

"Wow," one of his opponents says. "That was the most touching thing I have ever seen. You've got a makeable putt for £250, yet you stopped and paid your respects. You really are something."

"Well," Charlie says, "we were married for 25 years."