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Parrot Jokes

Don't Talk to the Parrot

Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check." 
"Oh, by the way don't worry about my bulldog Spike. He won't bother you. But,  whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!" "I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"


When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he had ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman  go about his work.


The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, 

"Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!" 

To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!" 

Movie >>> Famous Parrot Sketch <<< Movie

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The Lady and the Parrot

A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady! You're really ugly!" Furious, the lady stormed past the store to work.

On the way home she saw the same parrot again and it said to her, "Hey lady! You're really ugly!" She was incredibly ticked now.

The next day she walks past the same parrot again and it says to her, "Hey lady! You're really ugly!" The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said she would sue the store to get rid of the bird. The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.

When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady!" She paused and said, "Yes?"

The bird said, "You know."


Video >>> Beat Boxing Parrot! <<<< Video

The Pub Landlord and the Parrot

There was once a pub landlord who had a pet parrot. The parrot used to live in the pub's bar and was much admired by all the regulars.

Unfortunately, one day the parrot was chased out of the pub by a cat and was killed as it flew into the traffic on the busy road outside. The pub landlord was heart broken.

For the following year when the pub was closed, the landlord was sure he sometimes heard his parrot talking to him. A year to the day after the parrot died, the landlord was sitting in his pub after closing time doing the pub's accounts. He looked up and saw the ghost of his dead parrot.

"Hello" said the landlord "what are you doing here"

"I'm a parrot who can't rest" replied the parrot "I can't go to parrot heaven and I've been stuck here as a ghost for the past year"

"What's the matter" asks the landlord "can I help?"

"Well" says the parrot "when I was run over by the traffic outside, my tail came off. I can't go to heaven until my tail is put back on, I've had to carry it with me for the past year. Can you put my tail back on me?"

"I'm sorry, I can't do that" replied the landlord "it would be against the law"

"Why would it be against the law?" asked the parrot ghost.

"Well" said the landlord "I'm a licensed pub landlord and it's against the law for me to re-tail spirits after closing time"!!!

Parrot Auction

One day a man went to an auction to bid on a parrot. He kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the parrot was his at last!

As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, "I sure
hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for
it, only to find out that he can't talk!"

"Don't worry." said the Auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think
kept bidding against you?"

Pet Shop Parrot

A parrot was in a pet shop with a string attached to each leg when a man walked in looking to buy a pet. A shopkeeper came over and started to try and sell him a dog when the man noticed the parrot.

He asked what the strings were for and the shopkeeper replied, "Well, if you pull the right string the parrot says, 'Polly wanna cracker'. If you pull the left string it says,
'my name's Sam' ".

The man being of the inquisitive nature tried both and thought it was really neat, but was still curious. So he asked what would happen if he pulled both strings, the parrot piped up, 

"I'd fall off the perch you idiot!!!"

And Finally

  • What do you call a parrot who goes out in the rain wearing a mac and carrying an umbrella? - Polyunsaturated!

  • What do you call a dead parrot? - Polygon!

  • What do parrots take for headaches? - Parrotcetamol!

  • Where is parrot heaven? - Parrotdise!

  • What is a parrots favourite sport? -  Parrotgliding!

The All Dancing Parrot

 >>> Movie <<<



this rules xxx

really miss Oscar the singing parrot - he was my very favourite and always cheered me up!

more of this in the mornings will make my day

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