Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
 

Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
 

Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
 

You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
 

One of life's mysteries is how a two-pound box of chocolates can make one gain five pounds.
 

God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind, I will live forever.
 

I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
 

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.