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Growing old is not easy

Senior Citizen Classifieds

FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80s, slim, 5'-4" (used to be 5-6), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.

LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.

SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.

WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.

BEATLES OR STONES? I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the air guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my boss collection of eight-track tapes.

MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.

MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, and valves. Isn't in running condition, but walks well.

What happens in old age

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

Insanity is my only means of relaxation.

Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

One of life's mysteries is how a two-pound box of chocolates can make one gain five pounds.

God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind, I will live forever.

I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE GETTING OLDER WHEN :-

You look forward to a dull evening.

You need glasses to find your glasses.

Your back goes out more than you do.

You look for something well built with nice legs and it's furniture.

You get very tired playing cards.

Can you speak a little louder

Harry was getting on a bit and was having serious hearing problems. He went to the doctor and fitted him up with hearing aids that allowed the man to hear 100%.

Harry went back later to his doctor to check his hearing.

"Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased you can hear again?", the doctor asked.

Harry replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will five times!"