1.If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be instantly removed.

2.Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
 

3.High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
 

4.A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.
 

5.If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
 

6.Have a bad toothache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will forget about the toothache.
 

7.The Rules of Life really are: You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't use the duct tape.

8.Be good to family and friends. You never know when you need them to empty your bedpan.

Women can make you happy too

It's important to have a woman who helps at home, is a good cook, cleans and has a well paid job.

It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh and laughs at your jokes.

It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

It's important to have a woman who is a good lover and who likes to be with you.

It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other!