Take it easy old man

Maurice an 82 year-old man went to the doctor for his physical.

A few days later the doctor saw Maurice walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.

A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Maurice and said, You re really dong great, aren't you?

Maurice replied, Just doing what you said, Doc: Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.

The doctor said, I did not say that. I said, You got a heart murmur. Be careful.

Diamonds are an old man's best friend

An old man walked into a jewellery shop one Friday afternoon with a beautiful young lady at his side.

He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a £5,000 ring and showed it to him.
 

The old man said:" I don't think you understand, I want something very special."

At that statement, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning diamond ring at only £50,000," the jeweller said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body
trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said: "We'll take it."
 

The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the old man stated by cheque.

"I know you need to make sure it is good, so I'll
write it now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, a very annoyed jeweller phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."

"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine what a great weekend I've had?"