Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight
safety lecture" a bit more entertaining. Here are some real quotes that have
been heard or reported:
"As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are
fully upright in their most uncomfortable position."
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this
"Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and in the event of an emergency
water landing, please take them with our compliments."
"We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact a
member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of the airplane.
Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the
lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately.
Good morning. As we leave Dallas, it's warm, the sun is shining, and the birds
are singing. We are going to Charlotte, where it's dark, windy and raining. Why
in the world y'all wanna go there I really don't know."
Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to
switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please
stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk
on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you
enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
As we waited just off the runway for another airliner to cross in front of us,
some of the passengers were beginning to retrieve luggage from the overhead
bins. The head steward announced on the intercom, "This aircraft is equipped
with a video surveillance system that monitors the cabin during taxiing. Any
passengers not remaining in their seats until the aircraft comes to a full and
complete stop at the gate will be strip-searched as they leave the aircraft.
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone
voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella...WHOA..!
"Here are a few heard from Northwest: "Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen
masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth
and nose before assisting children or adults acting like children.
As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings.
Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants.
Please do not leave children or spouses.
"And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of
the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately none of them are on
this flight. "