Things that change after College

You know all of the people sleeping in your house.

You hear your favourite song in the lift at work.

Informative TV does not include Richard and Judy.

6:00 a.m. is when you get up, not when you go to sleep
 

The bank manager doesn't write threatening letters any more.

Seven-day benders are no longer realistic.

You don't go to Tesco with all your friends.

You have standing orders and direct debits.

The heating works in your house.

You pay the government thousands of pounds every year.

You go from 130 days of holidays to 20.

You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.

You get out of bed in the morning even if it's raining.

Washing up is not an annual ritual.

You don't know what time the kebab shop closes anymore.

Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

You don't put half-finished curries in the fridge to eat later.

A £3 bottle of wine is no longer 'pretty good stuff'.

You "hate scrounging students".

You no longer have a strange attraction to road signs when drunk.

Sleeping in the lounge is a no-no.

You can't persuade your flatmates to 'Drink till dawn'.

You don't spend Tuesday afternoons in the pub.

You don't volunteer for clinical trials at the local hospital
You always know where you are when you wake up.

You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.

A fire in the kitchen is not a laugh.

You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

You can remember the name of the person you wake up next to.

You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.

You don't have mice living in your kitchen.

You don't go to Off Licence to buy Vodka.

Breaking the law means doing 40 in a 30 zone.

'I just can't drink the way I used to' replaces 'I'm never going to drink that much again'.

Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

Free Admission

Three college friends, one each from the Universities of Oxford, Cambridge and Loughborough, decided to pool their funds and go to the Olympic Games. The airfare and hotel rates ate up most of their money so they didn't have enough to get into the stadium to see the events.

So they stood around the gate, watching all the other people get in and then noticed that some people didn't have to pay. Whenever an athlete passed the guard with his (or her) equipment, the guard would simply nod and let them through. So the three visitors quickly trotted off to a nearby hardware shop and came back to try to get in.

The Oxford student walked up to the guard and gestured at the long pole he carried. "Pole vaulting," he said, and the guard waved him through.

The Cambridge student, having rigged up a ball to a length of chain, approached the guard next and showed of his wares. "Hammer throwing," he said, and the guard shrugged and waved him through.

The catering student from Loughborough came last, with a roll of chain link on his shoulder. "Fencing."