Cat jokes, cat names and amazing facts with Video - Clean Jokes at y2u.co.uk

Go to content

Main menu:

Cat jokes, cat names and amazing facts with Video

Popular Jokes
Amazing Cat Facts

The cat has 500 skeletal muscles (humans have 650).

A cat has a total of 24 whiskers, 4 rows of whiskers on each side. The upper two rows can move independently of the bottom two rows. A cat uses its whiskers for measuring distances.

A domestic cat can sprint at about 31 miles per hour.

If a cat is frightened, the hair stands up fairly evenly all over the body; when the cat threatens or is ready to attack, the hair stands up only in a narrow band along the spine and tail.

Cats purr at the same frequency as an idling diesel engine, about 26 cycles per second.  

A cat's normal pulse is 140-240 beats per minute, with an average of 195.

Cats respond most readily to names that end in an "ee" sound.

Sir Isaac Newton invented the cat-flap door.

It has been scientifically proven that stroking a cat can lower one's blood pressure.

The cat appears to be the only domestic animal not mentioned in the Bible.

Poll : Enter you cat's name here
List of cat names sent in by you


Does Your Cat Own You ??!!*

Do you select your friends based on how well your cats like them?

Does your desire to collect cats intensify during times of stress?

Do you buy more than 50 pounds of cat litter a month?

Do you scoop out the litter box after each use?

Do you wait at the box with the scoop in your hand?

Do you think it's cute when your cat swings on the drapes or licks the butter?

Do you admit to non-cat owners how many cats you really have?

Do you sleep in the same position all night because it annoys your cats when you move?

Do you kiss your cat on the lips?

Do you feed your cat titbits from the table with your fork?

Does your cat sit at the table (or ON the table) when you eat?

Does your cat sleep on your head? Do you like it?

Do you have more than four opened but rejected cans of cat food in the refrigerator?

Do you watch bad TV because the cat is sleeping on the remote?

Did you buy a video tape of fish swimming in an aquarium to entertain your cat?

Will you stand at the open door indefinitely in the freezing rain while your cat sniffs the door, deciding whether to go out or come in?

Would you rather spend a night at home with your cat than go out on a bad date?

Do you give your cat presents and a stocking at Christmas?

Do you spend more for your cat than you do for your spouse?

Do the Christmas cards you send out feature your cat sitting on Santa's lap? Does your cat sign the card?

Do you put off making the bed until the cat gets up?

Do you microwave your cat's food? Prepare it from scratch?

Do you climb out of bed over the headboard or footboard, so you won't disturb the sleeping cat?

At the store, do you pick up the cat food and kitty litter before you pick out anything for yourself?

Do you cook a special turkey for your cat on holidays?

Does your cat "insist" on a fancy Sunday breakfast consisting of an omelette made from eggs, milk, and salmon, halibut, or trout?

Do you have pictures of your cat in your wallet? Do you bring them out when your friends share pictures of their children?

When people call to talk to you on the phone, do you insist that they say a few words to your cat as well?

Do you accept dates only with those who have a cat? If so, do you eventually double-date with the cats to see how they get along?

When someone new comes to your house, do you introduce your cat, by name, to them?

Cat Short Jokes

What do cats use to make coffee? A purrcolator.

How do cats end a fight? They hiss and make up.

Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong,
always try to make it look like the dog did it.

Why are cats afraid of trees ?  
Because they are afraid of the bark !

Giving Cat A Pill

Follow the sequence carefully to avoid the same mistakes:

Here kitty, kitty!

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from kitchen.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply bandage to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth open with small wrench. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak. Hold head vertically and pour pint of water down throat to wash pill down.

13. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.

14. Arrange for vet to make a house call.

Have a good joke ?
Use the comment box below

If you like this page don't forget to tell everyone
by clicking on the AddThis box on the left side of this page
and spread the word on Facebook, Twitter, Email etc,

Comments


Nice jokes, love my cats

 
Back to Top
Back to content | Back to main menu