Bankers are people that help you with problems you would not have had without them
A banker was walking in the park one day when she noticed a large frog sitting along the side of the pond.
As she was walking by, the frog suddenly shouted up and said, “Excuse me…but…ummm… would you happen to be a banker?”
The banker responded, “Why yes, I am a banker. Why do you ask?”
“Well,” says the frog, “I was a forecasting economist, and my forecasts didn’t turn out so well. The boss I worked for put a spell on me and turned me into a frog. The spell can be broken if a banker will kiss me. Then I can return to being a forecasting economist.”
The banker paused for a moment, then reached out, picked up the frog, put him in her purse, and began walking along.
After a few minutes the frog piped up, “Hey, what are you doing? If you will just give me a kiss I can walk along on my own and you won’t have to carry me.”
The banker stopped, looked down at the frog, and said “True… but you’re worth a lot more to me as a talking frog than as a forecasting economist.”
Knives were up sharply.
Paper was stationary.
Pencils lost a few points.
Light switches were off.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.
Cows steered into a bull market.
Hiking equipment was trailing.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
Helium was up, feathers were down.
Weights were up in heavy trading.
Light switches were off.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom.
Diapers remained unchanged.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
The market for raisins dried up.
Coca Cola fizzled.
Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
Sun peaked at midday.
Balloon prices were inflated.
Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.
And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market
Q: With the current market turmoil, what's the easiest way to make a small fortune?
A: Start off with a large one.
What have Icelandic banks and an Icelandic streaker got in common?
They both have frozen assets
What do you call 12 investment bankers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
The Brown's invited their new neighbours the Smiths over to dinner. During dinner Mr Brown asked Mr Smith what he did for a living.
4 year old Billy Smith jumped in and said
" Daddy is a fisherman!"
To which Mrs Smith replied "Billy why do say that? Your daddy is a stock broker not a fisherman."
"No Mum. Every time we visit dad at work and he hangs up the phone he laughs, rubs his hands together and says I just caught another fish."
What do you say to a hedge fund manager who can't short-sell anything?
Quarter pounder with fries please
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I just hope we all learn from spending what we have not earned ... Credit is not logic.