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Doctor Jokes plus Video

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The good and bad news

Doctor Jones took his patient into his office and said, "I have some good news and some bad news."

The patient said, "Give me the good news."

Doctor Jones said, "They're going to name a disease after you."

Funny Video - Emergency Room - Comedian Brian Regan


Plumbing

A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber.

The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600.

The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!"

The plumber waited for him to finish and quietly said, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."

Doctor Doctor

Doctor, Doctor, I keep wanting to cover myself in gold paint.
Don't worry it's only a gilt complex.

Doctor Doctor, how do I stop my nose from running?!
Stick your foot out and trip it up!

Doctor Doctor I swallowed a bone.
Are you choking?
No, I really did!

Doctor, doctor, I feel like a ten pound note.
Go Shopping, the change will do you good.

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a clock.
OK, just relax. There's no need to get yourself wound up.

Doctor, Doctor Can I have second opinion?
Of course, come back tomorrow!

Doctor, Doctor my husband smells like fish
Poor sole!

Doctor's notes made in error

I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

The patient refused autopsy.

Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

She is numb from her toes down.

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

The good and bad news

Doctor Jones took his patient into his office and said, "I have some good news and some bad news."

The patient said, "Give me the good news."

Doctor Jones said, "They're going to name a disease after you."

You don't want to hear these words in surgery

Surgeon operating

Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.

Nurse, did this patient sign the organs donation card?

Damn! Page 56 of the manual is missing!

Everybody stand back! I lost a contact lens!

Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie

Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"

Whoa, wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

"Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, he's got two of'em

What do you mean "You want a divorce?"


Emergency Call out

A well-respected consultant doctor  was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work.

As he was tuning in to the evening news, the phone rang. The doctor answered it and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.

"We need a fourth for cards," said his friend.

"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.

As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"

"Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely.

"In fact, three doctors are there already!"

In favour

One day, Harry had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, "You passed with flying colours, is there anything that you'd like to talk about or ask me?"

"Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy."

"That's a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?"

"Yeah, and they're in favour 15 to 2."

Hiccup in procedure

A lady went to the doctors. She was seen by one of the new junior doctors, but after about four minutes she burst out of the Doctors office, screaming as she ran down the hall.

A senior doctor stopped and asked her what the problem was, and she explained. He had her sit down and relax in another room.

The senior doctor marched back to his junior and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Jones is 61 years old, she has three grown children and eight grandchildren, and you told her she was PREGNANT?"

The junior doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write up his notes.

"Cured her hiccups though, didn't it?

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Comments

they were ok not too good n not too bad

these jokes are orite but you could do way some more doctor doctor jokes like,

doctor doctor i keep thinking i'm a needle
ohh i can see your point !!!!
that one is fab xxxx

Doctor Doctor I have 59 seconds to live
Wait over there and I'll be with you in a minute

doctor doctor i feel like a pack of cards
I'll deal with you later

Doctor doctor I can't get to sleep
Lie on the edge of the bed you'll soon drop off

A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!!"
The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."

they were fine i guess

weird jokes  ok there not that bad

ahh there not bad, culd b worse hehe

geek lol

hahaHAha!!!!!!!!

Not bad, though they could do with improving a little

awful crack

below average

these jokes are not bad but cheer you up

THE JOKES R COOL BUT U NEED TO GET MORE.....

chloe thinks these joke are very funny

These r great jokes

these r the stupidest jokes in the universe even Why did Chicken cross the Road jokes is better than these!!!!!!

 
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