A big brown bear bear walks into a bar and says to the barman.
"I'll have a gin..................................................................and tonic."
The Barman says...."What's with the big pause?"
The bear replies, "I don't know... My father had them, too!!!"
Two blokes are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them.
They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them.
The first bloke gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on.
The second bloke says, "What are you doing? He says, "I figure when the bear gets close to us, we'll jump down and make a run for it."
The second bloke says, "Are you crazy? You can't outrun a bear."
The first bloke says, "I don't have to outrun the bear... I only have to outrun you."
A Russian scientist and a Czechoslovakian scientist had spent their lives studying the grizzly bear. Each year they petitioned their respective governments to allow them to go to Yellowstone to study the bears.
Finally their request was granted, and they immediately flew to NY and on West to Yellowstone.
They reported to the ranger station and were told that it was the grizzly mating season and it was too dangerous to go out and study the animals. They pleaded that this was their only chance, and finally the ranger relented.
The Russian and the Czech were given portable phones and told to report in every day. For several days they called in, and then nothing was heard from the two scientists.
The rangers mounted a search party and found the camp completely ravaged, with no sign of the missing men. They followed the trail of a male and a female bear.
They found the female and decided they must kill the animal to find out if she had eaten the scientists because they feared an international incident.
They killed the female animal and opened the stomach to find the remains of the Russian.
One ranger turned to the other and said, 'You know what this means, don't you?'
The other ranger responded, 'Of course: the Czech is in the male.'
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