One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St.Peter himself.
"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend! an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman "Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.
The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her.
They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed ! an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.
The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St.Peter waiting for her. "Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said.
So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity," The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."
So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags ! and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.
"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her smiled and told...
"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee. .."
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When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.
This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.
Got a full six-pack but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
He does not have ulcers, but he is a carrier.
He has been working with glue too much.
He would argue with a signpost.
He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.
When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.
If you see two people talking, and one looks bored, he is the other one.
A photographic memory but with the lens covered glued on.
A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
Gates are down, the lights are flashing but the train is not coming.
Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
If he were any more stupid, he would have to be watered twice a week.
If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
Takes him two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
"great, hope this will not be my company which shows green on the first day and dry on the next"