Make the world laugh

Your Jokes

Cleaning up


Light Bulb




Older people driving


Priest playing golf


Think of a number


Collie Dog


Dear Deer


Mathematical Constant


Got a good clean Joke? - Send it in here

Laugh your socks off or just groan at the jokes ?


Maybe this works maybe it doesn't, hopefully it does

Great Collection of Clean Jokes

Jokes 1 - Jokes 2 - Jokes 3 - Jokes 4 - Jokes 5

Greatest Joke in the World

Quotes from Groucho Marx

 "Marriage is a great institution.... and I ain't ready for no prison"


There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit...retire!


Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.

Marx Brothers - "I'll Say She Is"



"Do you believe in computer dating?" "Only if the computers really love each other."


Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.


From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.



I can't understand why you don't get any mail from me. Perhaps it's because I haven't been writing.


I could dance with you till the cows come home, on second thought I'll dance with the cows till you come home.


I made a killing on Wall Street a few years ago...I shot my broker.


I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.


I sent the club a wire stating, Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.


I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it


Last night I shot an elephant in my Pyjamas and how he got in my pyjamas I'll never know.


Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.


Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.


Room service? Send up a larger room.


There's only one way to find out if a man is honest...ask him. If he says 'yes,' you know he is a crook.


Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.


The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his chequebook open.


It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.


A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five


A man's only as old as the woman he feels.


Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.


Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot


As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.


Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!


He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot


How do you feel about women's rights ? I like either side of them.


I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.


I must say that I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a book.


I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.


I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself.


I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.


If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.


If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.


I've been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.


Say! You haven't stopped talking since we got here! You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle!


Send two dozen roses to Room 424 and put 'Emily, I love you' on the back of the bill.


Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.


We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife

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Copyright 2003-2011 - All rights reserved.- Revised: 07/22/11.


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