Light Bulb Jokes

Q:  How many `Real Men' does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  None:  `Real Men' aren't afraid of the dark.

Q: How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, she can cook in the dark.

Q: How many Scotsmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Och! It's no auw that dark!

Q: How many Chinamen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Thousands, because Confucius say many hands make light work.

Q:  How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  Seven.  One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.

Q:  How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  One, but it takes at least three light bulbs.

Q:  How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  Three: One to write the light bulb removal program,
     one to write the light bulb insertion program, and
     one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.

Q:  How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly coloured machine tools.

Q:  How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  None.  It turned itself in.

Q:  How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  How many can you afford?

Q:  How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  Two:  One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.

Q:  How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  Three.  One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle...  and one to change the bulb.

Q: How many Soviet hardliners does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five; one to screw in the light bulb and four to drive the tank.

Q: How many Daleks does it take to change a light bulb ?
A: 1,500,000: To conquer a race that can climb ladders for them.

Q: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.

Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Nurse!

Q: How many SAS men does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change it and two to shout GO! GO! GO!

Q: How many Australians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 16. One to change the bulb and 15 to say "Good on yer, mate!"

Q: How many Scousers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but 200 had to apply for the job.

Q: How many Victorians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: [Ahem] We do not discuss this with ladies and children present.

Q: How many art directors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Does it have to be a light bulb?

Q: How many medical students does it take to change a light bulb ?
A: None. They are too busy propping up the bar.

Q: How many carpenters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: That's the electrician's job !!!

Q: How many polite, considerate native New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Both of them.

Q: How many Borg will it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they just assimilate the bulb.

Q: How many bluegrass musicians it takes to change a light bulb?
A: It doesn't matter because the banjo player is gonna' change it again anyway after everybody else is done.

Q: How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it sure takes a lot of light bulbs!

Q: How many DIY buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it takes him two weekends and three trips to the hardware store.

Q: How many atheists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They're never in the dark.

Q: How many sheep does it take to change a light bulb ?
A: Twenty-one. One to change it and twenty to follow him round while he looks for a new one.

Q: How many comp.sys.intel readers does it take to change a light bulb ?
A: 0.999999875

Q: How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it, and one of them can change the bulb while he's at it.