Jokes for the Ladies
Genie and the menOne day three guys were out walking, and they found
a lamp. So, they rubbed the lamp and a genie popped out.
He says "I'll grant you
each one wish."
These guys weren't so bright, so they all wanted to be smarter.
The first guy says "I wish I was 10 times smarter." The genie says "POOF! You're
10 times smarter."
The second guy says "I wish to to be 100 times smarter." and
the genie says "POOF! You're 100 times smarter."
The last guy says "I wish to be
1000 times smarter" And the genie says "POOF!! You're a woman!!"
Some Bumper Stickers for the Ladies
SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME.
IF THEY DON'T HAVE CHOCOLATE IN HEAVEN, I AM NOT GOING.
DON'T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WOULD THE QUEEN.
IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN.
NEXT MOOD SWING: 6 MINUTES.
AND YOUR POINT IS?
WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT.
OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY...I DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME.
DO NOT START WITH ME. YOU WILL NOT WIN.
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT, SO PLEASE SHUT UP.
SORRY IF I LOOKED INTERESTED. I'M NOT.
Books on Women
What is the thinnest book in the world?
"What men know about women."
"What is the thickest book in the world?
What Men Think They Know About Women"
TherapyWhy is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.
"Cash, cheque or credit card?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set
in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I
figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
How to Park
What a Woman Wants in
What I Want In
Original List ... (at age 22)
3. Financially Successful
4. A Caring Listener
6. In Good Shape
7. Dresses with Style
8. Appreciates the Finer Things
9. Full of Thoughtful Surprises
10. An Imaginative, Romantic Lover
What I Want In A Man,
Revised List ... (at age 32)
1. Nice Looking - preferably with hair on his head
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner at restaurant
4. Listens more than he talks
5. Laughs at my jokes at appropriate times
6. Can carry in all the groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home cooked meal
9. Remembers Birthdays and Anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week
What I Want In A Man,
Revised List ... (at age 42)
1. Not too ugly - bald head OK
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner at McDonalds on occasion
4. Nods head at appropriate times when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers the
punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Usually wears shirt that covers stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat lid down
10. Shaves on most weekends
What I Want In A Man
Revised List ... (at age 52)
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed to appropriate length
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep while I'm emoting
5. Doesn't re-tell same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on Weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV Dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves on some weekends
What I Want In A Man
... (at age 62)
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when awake (LOUDLY when asleep)
5. Doesn't forgets why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers when...
What I Want In A Man
Revised List ... (at age 72)
When a Man Cooks For a Woman
It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do.
a man volunteers to do the cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion:
The woman goes to the store and buys the food.
The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and
The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places
it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man,
who is lounging beside the grill, drinking a soda.
The man places the meat on the grill.
The woman goes inside to set the table and
check the vegetables.
The woman comes out to tell the man that the
meat is done.
The man takes the meat off the grill and puts
it on a plate for the woman.
The woman prepares the plates and brings them
to the table.
After eating, the woman clears the table and
does the dishes.
The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her
night off from cooking?" And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's
just no pleasing some women.
Barbies A Lady goes to the toy shop to buy a Barbie doll.
She tells the clerk that she needs to buy a Barbie but doesn't know what's available
The clerk replies "we have Tennis Barbie and she's £20" Lady asks "well,
anything else?" "We have an equestrian Barbie, and she's £20". Lady asks "anything
else?" "Well, we have divorced Barbie and she's £150" The lady replies "
understand why divorced Barbie is so expensive. The others were only £20. What is
so special about divorced Barbie?"
The clerk replied "Simple, she comes with Ken's
car, his house, and all his other stuff."
Annual meeting of single, straight, emotionally stable,
financially secure, intelligent men looking for a long term commitment
Why and What and How ?
Why are men like blenders?
You need one, but you're not quite sure why
Why were males created before
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy
Q: What do you call an intelligent,
good looking, sensitive man?
Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet
We don't know. Never happens.
One evening, a young woman came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Anthony proposed to me an hour ago."
"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked. "Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a Hell."
Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him just how wrong he is."
Lots of help and advice on relationships here
With some dating advice here
|Just funny and clean
|The problem I have is that it's OK for adverts like, "oooooooh...
Diet Coke break!" where the women oggle the sweaty bronzed work men, but turn
that advert on it's head and all hell would break loose. Methinks either
everyone should be fair game, or no-one at all.
|I'm male and I think it's perfectly fine. If someone can't
take it he's a wuss. That's why they are jokes, you laugh.
|I think everyone should
inherit a sense of humour!
|This page rocks!!!! Its not
like men don't do the same thing!!!
|I think that it is so not fair that we
can't make fun of men cause all those jokes are all true!!!
|I love this page how funny there's
nothing like a stupid man joke to brighten the day - They have enough blonde
joke y not !
|This page is crass. I'm a girl but the whole thing is a feminist party that
paints men as dumb, stupid, overweight creeps. Maybe a lot of them are, but so
are a lot of women. To tell the truth, I hate this page.
|This humour is based on the old battle of the sexes
which has gone on time since Adam and Eve. Nobody really believes that all men
or all women are stupid. A world without a laugh would be a strange place.
|I'm sorry but that girl needs to get over herself, you
think that the guys who make jokes about women really care! HELL NO! and I'm
pretty sure if you looked on the guy jokes page they'd be some anti women ones
on there. I'm a girl, I loved these jokes, keep them up!
|Well, I'm a girl too and I don't think these jokes are too
nice. I just checked out the men's jokes page and it isn't too bad over there. I think this
is really feminist-oriented. Just put yourself in all the men's places. My
brother was put off after reading this. So think about it
Let's have a vote on it, if the question seems
loaded, suggest another question, just to be fair :-)
Is it OK to make fun of the
male species ?
Only if it
hurt their Pride
The OK faction is way ahead, we still need more votes :-)