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Great Collection of Clean Jokes

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Greatest Joke in the World

Car jokes


A woman is driving down a road. A man is driving down the same road from the opposite direction. As they pass each other, the man leans out the window and yells "PIG!!" The woman immediately leans out her window and yells "JERK!!"

They each continue on their way, and as the woman rounds the next curve she crashes into a huge pig in the middle of the road.

If only women would listen.


New Free Parking Car

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Would you like one of these ?


Little Midget


An MG Midget pulled alongside a Rolls-Royce at a traffic light. "Do you have a car phone?" its driver asked the guy in the Rolls.


"Of course I do," replied the haughty deluxe-car driver.

"Well, do you have a fax machine?"


The driver in the Rolls sighed. "I have that too."


"Then do you have a double bed in the back?" the Midget driver wanted to know.


Ashen-faced, the Rolls driver sped off. That afternoon, he had a mechanic install a double bed in his auto.


A week later, the Rolls driver passes the same MG Midget, which is parked on the side of the road--back windows fogged up and steam pouring out.


The arrogant driver pulls over, gets out of the Rolls and bangs on the Midget's back window until the driver sticks his head out. "I want you to know that I had a double bed installed," brags the Rolls driver.


The Midget driver is unimpressed. "You got me out of the shower to tell me that?"


If Microsoft Built Cars...


Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.

Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.

Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too.

You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But, then you would have to buy more seats.

Macintosh could make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive - but would only run on 5 percent of the roads.

The oil, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.

New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

The airbag system would say "are you sure?" before going off.


If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.



Banking on it


A distinguished-looking man entered a Geneva bank and inquired about taking out a loan for 1000 Swiss francs.


"What security can you offer?" the banker asked.


"My Rolls-Royce is parked out front," he said. "I will be away for a few weeks. Here are the keys."


A month later, the man returned to the bank and paid off the loan, 1017 francs with interest.


"Pardon me for asking," the banker said, "but why a one-thousand franc loan for a man of your obvious means?"


"Very simple," he replied. "Where else can you store a Rolls for a month for seventeen francs?"

Would you volunteer ?

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Copyright 2003-2011 - All rights reserved.- Revised: 07/22/11.


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