Funny Jokes about Computers
An artist, a lawyer, and a
An artist, a lawyer, and a computer scientist are discussing
the merits of a mistress.
The artist tells of the passion, the thrill which comes with
the risk of being discovered.
The lawyer warns of the difficulties. It can lead to guilt,
divorce, bankruptcy. Not worth it. Too many problems.
The computer scientist says "It's the best thing that's ever
happened to me. My wife thinks I'm with my mistress. My mistress thinks I'm home
with my wife, and I can spend all night on the computer!"
Video >> William Shatner
and Commodore Vic-20 << Video
Best computer Programmer
Jesus and Satan got into an argument over which of
them was the better computer programmer. Finally God got
tired of the bickering and told them that he would judge
a contest between them. They each had four hours to
write the best program they could, and then God would
decide the winner.
They both got down to business and
wrote lines and lines of code. But just before the four
hours were up there was a flash of lightning and a
tremendous clap of thunder. The lights flickered, the
power faltered, and both computer screens went dead.
When power was restored, God declared that time was
up and asked to see the results of their work. Jesus
flipped on his computer and displayed the most elegant
program you could imagine, with beautiful architecture
and wonderful syllogisms, triumphs of multimedia sound
and pictures -- all kinds of bells and whistles.
God asked Satan what he had created, but Satan said,
"I've got nothing, absolutely nothing! My program was
twice as good as that, but I lost it all when the power
Jesus must have cheated. How could he still have such
a great program?"
God replied, "Everybody knows -- Jesus Saves."
Addicted to the Internet ?
Someone at work tells you a joke
and you say LOL.
Three words: Carpal tunnel
You go into labour and you
stop to type a special e-mail message letting everyone know you're going to be
You no longer type with proper
punctuation, capitalization, or complete sentences.
You turn down the lights and
close the blinds so people won't know you are online again.
broke, your modem burns out and you go out onto the streets to sell your body
to get a new one.
You type messages to people
while you are on the phone with them at the same time.
Your buddy list has over 100
people on it.
You go into withdrawals during dinner
Your dog leaves you.
Tech Support calls "You" for
is like herding cats"
kinna take this abuse!"
"How do I set my
A computer company I work for
placed an order for computer mice from Japan. After the normal delivery period
had elapsed, we contacted the airport to enquire what had happened to the
consignment. The official in charge said that it was nowhere to be found and
should be reported as missing. Some time later the official contacted us to say
that the package had been found.
When we asked where it had been, he replied sheepishly, "In
Dear Wife....I'm sending you this email to bring up to
date on the events of our family. I tried to talk to you while you were on your
computer, but you just kept telling me that you would BRB.....whatever that
means. So, I decided to send you this email.
John Jr. cut his first tooth today. He's the one you bounce on your knee
while typing. Remember how he giggles when he hears the Ut Oh sound? Sorry about
him dropping his peanut butter sandwich on your keyboard. Is it working okay
since I cleaned it up for you? Can you read the letters I tried to paint back on
your keyboard? Most of them had been rubbed off.
Susie had her first date Saturday
night. She had a good time and said to thank you for letting them use your car.
She put the keys
back on the key rack underneath the cobwebs where she found them. Do you
realize that she wears the same size clothes as you do? In case you've forgotten
her, she's the one who has you raise your feet when she's running the sweeper.
Lets see.....since the last time I wrote you (3 months ago), the refrigerator
had to be replaced, your mother and dad painted the room where your computer is
(hope you like the colour), the church has a new pastor, the President has been
impeached, and oh yes..... I have a new job.
Well, I think that's about it. I'll email you again in about 3 months. You
take care of yourself honey. We all "miss" you very much and will see you the
next time the power goes off!
Love, Your Husband
"Never violate the
Prime Directory! C:\"
"Who is General Failure
and why is he
reading my disk?"
caught in the printer"
One Man and his
There is an OLD story about the data centre of the future. This data centre runs
24/7 with only one man and a dog. The man's job is to feed the dog. The dog's
job is to make sure the man does not touch the computer.
We received this the other day !
"Justify my text?
but it has no excuse"
"Daddy, what does
DRIVE C mean?"
"My Go this amn
have any 's."
The Near Future
The US has succeeded in building a
computer able to solve any strategic or tactical problem.
Military leaders are assembled in front of the new machine and instructed to
feed a difficult tactical problem into it. They describe a hypothetical
situation to the computer and then ask the pivotal question: "ATTACK OR
The computer hums away for an hour and then comes up with the answer: "YES."
The generals look at each other, somewhat stupefied. Finally they submit a
second request to the computer: "Yes WHAT?"
Instantly the computer responds: "YES SIR!"
The Amish computer virus is sooo hilarious!!!!!!!!!!! Rofl.
When I talk, I say "ANGER" when I'm mad. Does that mean I'm addicted to the
If a tree in the middle of the forest falls down and nobody is
around to hear it, does it make a sound? How do you know?