Make the world laugh

Your Jokes

Cleaning up

-

Light Bulb

-

Elephant

-

Older people driving

-

Priest playing golf

-

Think of a number

-

Collie Dog

-

Dear Deer

-

Mathematical Constant

 

Got a good clean Joke? - Send it in here

Laugh your socks off or just groan at the jokes ?

 

Maybe this works maybe it doesn't, hopefully it does

Great Collection of Clean Jokes

Jokes 1 - Jokes 2 - Jokes 3 - Jokes 4 - Jokes 5

Greatest Joke in the World

Funny Jokes about Computers

An artist, a lawyer, and a computer scientist

An artist, a lawyer, and a computer scientist are discussing the merits of a mistress.

The artist tells of the passion, the thrill which comes with the risk of being discovered.

The lawyer warns of the difficulties. It can lead to guilt, divorce, bankruptcy. Not worth it. Too many problems.

The computer scientist says "It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. My wife thinks I'm with my mistress. My mistress thinks I'm home with my wife, and I can spend all night on the computer!"


 

Video >> William Shatner

and Commodore Vic-20 << Video


Best computer Programmer

Jesus and Satan got into an argument over which of them was the better computer programmer. Finally God got tired of the bickering and told them that he would judge a contest between them. They each had four hours to write the best program they could, and then God would decide the winner.

They both got down to business and wrote lines and lines of code. But just before the four hours were up there was a flash of lightning and a tremendous clap of thunder. The lights flickered, the power faltered, and both computer screens went dead.

When power was restored, God declared that time was up and asked to see the results of their work. Jesus flipped on his computer and displayed the most elegant program you could imagine, with beautiful architecture and wonderful syllogisms, triumphs of multimedia sound and pictures -- all kinds of bells and whistles.

God asked Satan what he had created, but Satan said, "I've got nothing, absolutely nothing!  My program was twice as good as that, but I lost it all when the power went out.

Jesus must have cheated. How could he still have such a great program?"

God replied, "Everybody knows -- Jesus Saves."

 



Addicted to the Internet ?

Someone at work tells you a joke and you say LOL.


Three words: Carpal tunnel syndrome.


You go into labour and you stop to type a special e-mail message letting everyone know you're going to be away.

 

You no longer type with proper punctuation, capitalization, or complete sentences.


You turn down the lights and close the blinds so people won't know you are online again.


You're broke, your modem burns out and you go out onto the streets to sell your  body to get a new one.


You type messages to people while you are on the phone with them at the same time.


Your buddy list has over 100 people on it.


You go into withdrawals during dinner


Your dog leaves you.


Tech Support calls "You" for help.


"Managing 
programmers
 is like herding cats"

"Capt'n!  
The spellchecker
 kinna take this abuse!"
"How do I set my
 laser printer
 on stun?"

Mice

A computer company I work for placed an order for computer mice from Japan. After the normal delivery period had elapsed, we contacted the airport to enquire what had happened to the consignment. The official in charge said that it was nowhere to be found and should be reported as missing. Some time later the official contacted us to say that the package had been found.

When we asked where it had been, he replied sheepishly, "In quarantine."

"Computer Science:

solving today's problems

 tomorrow"

"On a clear disk you

can seek

forever"

"This message

transmitted on

100% recycled electrons"


Dear Wife

Dear Wife....I'm sending you this email to bring up to date on the events of our family. I tried to talk to you while you were on your computer, but you just kept telling me that you would BRB.....whatever that means. So, I decided to send you this email.

John Jr. cut his first tooth today. He's the one you bounce on your knee while typing. Remember how he giggles when he hears the Ut Oh sound? Sorry about him dropping his peanut butter sandwich on your keyboard. Is it working okay since I cleaned it up for you? Can you read the letters I tried to paint back on your keyboard? Most of them had been rubbed off.

Susie had her first date Saturday night. She had a good time and said to thank you for letting them use your car. She put the keys

back on the key rack underneath the cobwebs where she found them. Do you realize that she wears the same size clothes as you do? In case you've forgotten her, she's the one who has you raise your feet when she's running the sweeper.

Lets see.....since the last time I wrote you (3 months ago), the refrigerator had to be replaced, your mother and dad painted the room where your computer is (hope you like the colour), the church has a new pastor, the President has been impeached, and oh yes..... I have a new job.

Well, I think that's about it. I'll email you again in about 3 months. You take care of yourself honey. We all "miss" you very much and will see you the next time the power goes off!

Love, Your Husband


"Never violate the

Prime Directory!  C:\"

"Who is General Failure

 and why is he

reading my disk?"

"Gotta run,

the cat's

caught in the printer"

 

One Man and his Dog

There is an OLD story about the data centre of the future. This data centre runs 24/7 with only one man and a dog. The man's job is to feed the dog. The dog's job is to make sure the man does not touch the computer.

 

We received this the other day !

 

"Justify my text?

I'm sorry

but it has no excuse"

"Daddy, what does

FORMATTING

DRIVE C mean?"

"My Go this  amn

keyboar  oesn't

have any  's."

 

The Near Future

The US has succeeded in building a computer able to solve any strategic or tactical problem.

Military leaders are assembled in front of the new machine and instructed to feed a difficult tactical problem into it. They describe a hypothetical situation to the computer and then ask the pivotal question: "ATTACK OR RETREAT?"

The computer hums away for an hour and then comes up with the answer: "YES."

The generals look at each other, somewhat stupefied. Finally they submit a second request to the computer: "Yes WHAT?"

Instantly the computer responds: "YES SIR!"
 From AF

 

Comments

The Amish computer virus is sooo hilarious!!!!!!!!!!! Rofl. When I talk, I say "ANGER" when I'm mad. Does that mean I'm addicted to the Internet?

If a tree in the middle of the forest falls down and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound? How do you know?


Have your say or send in a good joke

Rate this Page

 

Copyright 2003-2011 - All rights reserved.- Revised: 07/22/11.

.

back to top